On Being An Adoptee…

All adoptees share the experience of being separated from their birth families of origin and placed in an adoptive family, usually very early in their lives. The impact of this experience is very personal and varies with each individual.

Nevertheless, as an adoptee you may find you have some feelings in common with others who were adopted. Below is a list of the kinds of feelings or experiences that you, as an adoptee, may have:

• Adoptees may feel grief about the loss of their birth family;

• Adoptees may feel anger at their birth families, adoptive families, or the adoption system;

• Adoptee may have questions about identity and self (particularly at times of life transitions such as adolescence, marriage, or the birth of their own child(ren);

• Adoptees may have ongoing feelings of not belonging;

• Adoptees may feel shame about disclosing their needs or feelings about being adopted;

• Adoptees may have a need to know more about their origins, and to access their adoption records;

• Adoptees may want to search for and have contact with their birth family; and

• Adoptees may feel guilt based on a belief that their need to search for birth family conflicts with their connection with their adoptive family.

Seeking out your own adoption records, conducting an search, or having a reunion with your birth family is usually evocative of these adoptee issues. I have worked extensively as a psychotherapist with adoptees, as well as having been an advocate for the rights of adoptees to have access to their own adoption records. My work has been informed by my personal experience as an adoptee. I would be happy to talk with you about your experience.

Resources for Adoptees:

For the Records: Restoring A Right To Adult Adoptees, research report prepared by Marilyn Freundlich, November, 2007 for The Evan B. Donaldson Institute, suggesting that all adult adoptees have access to their original birth certificates.

The Primal Wound and Coming Home to Self, two excellent books on the experience of the adoptee, by Nancy Verrier, author and psychotherapist.

For the Records: Restoring A Right To Adult Adoptees, research report prepared by Marilyn Freundlich, November, 2007 for The Evan B. Donaldson Institute, suggesting that all adult adoptees have access to their original birth certificates.

 

Karen Caffrey,  LPC,  JD Psychotherapy and Counseling in West  Hartford, CT 06107