On Being An Adoptee…
All adoptees share the experience of being separated from their birth families of origin and placed in an adoptive family, usually very early in their lives. The impact of this experience is very personal and varies with each individual.
Nevertheless, as an adoptee you may find you have some feelings in common with others who were adopted. Below is a list of the kinds of feelings or experiences that you may have:
- You may feel grief about the loss of your birth family;
- You may feel anger at your birth family, adoptive family, or the adoption system;
- You may have questions about your identity (particularly at times of life transitions such as adolescence, marriage, or the birth of your own child(ren);
- Your may have ongoing feelings of not belonging;
- Yoy may feel shame about disclosing your needs or feelings about being adopted;
- You may want to know more about your origins, and to access your adoption records;
- You may want to search for and have contact with your birth family; and
- You may feel guilty because you want to search for your birth mother/family.
Seeking out your own adoption records, conducting an search, or having a reunion with your birth family is usually evocative of these issues. I have worked extensively as a psychotherapist with adoptees. I have also been an advocate for the legal right of adoptees to have access to their own adoption records. My work has been informed by my personal experience as an adoptee. I would be happy to talk with you about your experience.
Resources for Adoptees:
The Primal Wound and Coming Home to Self, by Nancy Verrier.
Lost And Found: The Adoption Experience , by Betty Jean Lifton, Ph.D.
For the Records: Restoring A Right To Adult Adoptees, research report prepared by Marilyn Freundlich, November, 2007 for The Evan B. Donaldson Institute, suggesting that all adult adoptees should have access to their original birth certificates.
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